“Improv taught me to really say YES” is something I read whenever a non-improv media source writes about improv. “SAY YES TO EVERYTHING” seems to be the big eye-opening moment that journalists take away from improv classes. Even accomplished comedians look back at their time…
When you get to the Training Center, I want you to relax, take a deep breath, and appreciate how amazingly surreal it is to sit in a waiting room surrounded by terrified people all speaking to themselves in funny voices.
So when I see that I can get MORE soda for a BETTER price per ounce, I am all over that shit. In other words, I am the one buying the Big Gulps. I am that person.
I don’t want to be that person. I know I should quit soda completely, but I am so sugar addicted I can’t go more than a week without giving in. I am a weak, weak person.
So there’s the proposed soda ban. Soda over 16 ounces, you can’t get it. You have to buy two. Two? That’s not a deal. (Finally, my addiction to deals is paying off). I’ll just have one 16 ounce soda, thank you, kind sir.
OK, so maybe you are thinking, why should the GOVERNMENT tell me how much I am allowed to drink? I’m not a CHILD (I am worse than a child in terms of drinking habits.) Obviously drinking soda, drinking excessive amounts of sugar, is bad for you. It leads to health problem like diabetes, health problems that en masse the government has to help pay for. Also… I don’t know if you noticed, but healthy people, they don’t generally drink 20 ounce sodas. I don’t think they drink soda. I don’t think they like to look at soda.
Hopefully now I can turn into one of those healthy people!
Oh wait, what? That convenience store right there, I can still buy 2 liter sodas? Even with the ban? I can buy as much soda in as large quantities as I want, right there? What? And that one, right next to it? Wait, I can buy whatever size sugary drink I want at ANY EFFIN GROCERY STORE OR CONVENIENCE STORE IN THE CITY? Shit, I am so screwed.
Never-mind. Ban or no ban, I am ending up the diabetes. If you see me drinking soda, please slap it out of my hand. It’s the least you can do.
I’m writing this post less because I have advice to give and more because I need advice. Googling “maude” “auditions” “UCB” and “advice” has left me wanting.
So, in an attempt to start a conversation, I will share what I know about UCB Maude auditions (in New York).
So what happens during an audition?
Get to the training center at least 15 minutes ahead of time. Bring a head shot with your name and email address on it (I printed my head shot at Rite Aid.) There will be a ton of people sitting around, waiting to be called for their audition. You should check in with an intern. Last year, I was supposed to go at around 4pm, but everything was very delayed by then, so I didn’t really audition until 4:45pm. Hopefully things run smoother this year!
Some people have costumes, props; most do not. Some people went into the stairway and ran their routine a few times.
When you are “on deck” the intern will take you outside the door to the audition room and have you wait. Last year I had to wait outside of Ryan Haney’s audition, which was intimidating, because he appeared to have the UCB judges rolling on the floor in laughter.
I don’t know if I should go too much into my particular audition, since it was obviously unsuccessful. I did only three characters, no impressions, and ended early…. so maybe I won’t do that this round?
Here are some things I personally will try to work on:
Remain cool and confident at all times.
Don’t rush it. Make eye contact.
Choose characters that you think are fun. So even if they aren’t laughing, you’re still having fun.
Here’s a relevant UCB LA podcast about Maude auditions (Episode 14)
Chick Fil-A Recipe? Thank God. Now my stomach and conscience don't have to argue
What you’ll need: 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast 1/4 cup pickle juice (Hilah recommends sour dill) 1 egg 1/4 cup milk 1/2 cup flour 1 tablespoon powdered sugar 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 1/4 teaspoon celery salt 1/4 teaspoon dried basil Optional: up to 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper for a spicy sandwich Oil for frying (about a cup)
The full brining and cooking instructions are in the video below and atHilahcooking.com.
OMAHA, NE - Jeremy Franks was arrested for the sixth time in two weeks after he was seen crouching in the bushes outside of Marie Osgood’s Lower East Side apartment early this morning. Osgood’s next door neighbor called the police because she said she knew Osgood had a restraining order against…
Tonight I begin my tenure as the host of Kaleidoscope. I am extremely excited and honored to be a part of one of the major staples of the NY Improv scene. As host, I hope to further Kaleidoscope’s tradition of continuously diversifying its cast, welcoming all skill levels, and…